You see this particular human in her environment. She’s observant, yet quiet the whole time. It seems like she doesn’t want to interact with those of her species. It’s been going on like this for months; she seems accustomed to everyone, but she looks like she doesn’t want to mingle with other–
... What’s this? She... she’s starting to walk up to the others?? She’s smiling? Amazing! We haven’t seen this in a very long time! She rarely ever brings herself to confront others and being happy! How cute!
This was practically the reaction others had on Saturday while rehearsing with the SDKFM. One of the few times I actually started to feel like I became part of the group.
I was slowly coming out of my shell.
Since August, I always had kept my distance with the group. Besides the times that we were practicing together, it was during the small breaks in between that I would stay at a corner and watch everyone socialize with each other and have fun. I could never bring myself to actually come up to them, or them actually come up to me and talk to me. Everyone knew each other, and my friend was with his friends, so I like to sit and watch everyone be a family together.
However, on Saturday October 27th, our group decided to have little “houses” so that we can mingle with others that they normally talk to.
A chance for me to actually be more out there.
My first step in becoming part of the group, I was smiling more than ever, people coming up to me, and I was able to respond happily, having fun with them. Coming up with group names, poses, teaching each other dancing individually: that was what I needed.
Because of that day, I started being more comfortable with the group.
One of the reasons why most students are falling behind classes.
Sadly, even I have become a victim to this too.
A lot of students start off strongly in school, not wanting to fall behind and attempting to give a first good impression on professors, as well as hopes that the students themselves will continue the habit of doing things on time, as well as getting decent grades. However, as the semester progresses, we start knowing our classmates and start socializing more, or we start doing things that take up most of our time that we forget what we started.
Of course we know it’s bad, who wouldn't? But we become distracted by various obstacles that in the end, when the day is done, we remembered what was missed, and thus giving the assumption that we can finish all in an hour or less.
Don’t. Just don’t.
If you ever feel like procrastinating and do absolutely nothing: recall why you’re in college. Recall your future and how this will impact it. Once it’s a habit, it’ll be hard to stop, and college life will be five times as difficult than it is.
Do things the moment you get home; various forms of gratification are to appear right before you: more time for friends, better grades, and a better future.
Unless you have that ability. But disregard that for now.
The future is something we worry about constantly. Although we don’t exactly know what will happen, we always have a slight idea based on anything that’s happening in the present. Our actions influence what will come, and also society and how it pushes and pulls us at times.
If anything bad happens in the present that seems like it will turn out to be a negative outcome, we give up hope, and everything else that’s pessimistic will flow through our minds faster. The images we bring upon ourselves are worthlessness and failure.
I applaud those who are optimistic about their future; no matter what brings them down, there’s still a will and a way to fix all of that. For the pessimistic people, that takes a lot of time to believe it. It’s still possible, but it’s not as convincing.
Sometimes you don’t realize how you think until you see someone else in that given situation, thinking very similarly to how you do. To realize that you can sympathize with that and understand how they feel about their future because the present looks like it brings them nothing.
You know what I say?
Although the present seems dark and unpromising, there’s always a bit of hope down the future. Nobody really knows what the outcome is; all you have to do is live positively and continue forward. There are times like these that will happen along the way, but even so, obstacles are everywhere. If a desperate decision is made right now, do you know how many people you’ll affect? I don’t blame anyone if they still think negatively at times, but don’t let it get to your head. Let yourself know that there’s still a way for the future to be better. If there’s a will, there’s a way. I’d know.
It's not advice. Just personal experience.
A few years ago I came across this anime (Japanese animation/cartoon) called Shugo Chara!(In which the song above is also the ending theme to the anime as well).
The heroine of the story Amu Hinamori, is a student at Seiyo Elementary.At first glance, her classmates refer to her as "cool and spicy" and rumors speculate about her personal life. However, her real personality is that of a very shy girl who has trouble showing her true personality. One night, Amu wishes for the courage to show her "would-be" self, and the next morning finds three brightly colored eggs — red, blue, and green — in her bed. These eggs hatch into three Guardian Characters: Ran, Miki, and Su. The Guardian Characters aid Amu in discovering who she truly is and help fulfill Amu's dreams. Amu's life becomes much more complex as she struggles to deal with her "would-be" selves and the Seiyo Elementary's Guardians, who each have a Guardian Character of their own. Later on, they recruit Amu as the "Joker" to search for X Eggs and X Characters, the corrupted forms of people's dreams, so the Guardians can purify their dreams.
Yes, it is more-or-less a childish show.
However, although it seems that way, the theme was deep: express your true personality; try not to hide your true self; as well as follow your dreams and future goals, and accomplish them.
It does seem like a lot for just a childish show, right? It's very similar to what we're learning right now in college: our future, our personality, our identity, and our dreams being our choice because we want to and not because of anything else for the most part.
I wanted to make a point that since recently my posts have been focusing on personality and my future, I felt like this would be a perfect connection between it.
Sugar, spice, and everything nice. With a touch of chemical X. That’s what created the Powerpuff Girls.
If that’s what they’re made of, what about you?
Our Bayan community had an art project based on identity– Mirror Me Art Project. The objective was to add on to the mirror frame things that represent you. What are our interests? What is our background? What is our future?
Who are we?
Considering our main focus within these past few weeks have been identity, and mostly discussion about it, it was time to show it visually by having this mini art project; a relaxing day where all the bayanis get together and just be creative. It seems that everyone had an idea of how to create their piece.
What about me?
... I found it a bit more difficult than I expected.
Besides the artistic factor, however, I was asking myself, “What actually makes me?”
It’s a question I constantly ask myself.
I always found myself as a boring person, I don’t see anything interesting about me. Even if I did, I always think that I’m bragging if I say any “decent qualities” about me. Is it really? Most likely not, but it’s just how I am. Whenever I think about who I am, I always think the same things over and over again: a young girl who is most likely a year younger than everyone because she got promoted, yet that doesn't make too much of a difference because you’re on their same level; a daughter with a Chinese and Mexican background; someone who likes math; not the typical “average girl” and actually like “boy-ish” things like Yu-Gi-Oh!; and someone who likes to go on the computer daily. There’s nothing much about my future as of now, and my only good hobbies are probably drawing, dancing, and figure skating.
... It’s not really a lot, compared to other people. I shouldn't compare, but... it’s true.
Even as of now, I still have issues with what to add to the picture, but I don’t know. I’d love to put a lot on this project but... during times like these, I really don’t know who I am.
And when people look at us at a first glance, they wonder "What the hell are those people doing...?" It's not until a few seconds later, when the play button is pressed, people start having a general idea of who we are.
All of us have a hobby, whether it's sports, gaming, arts, etc. Whatever the reason is, we enjoy it, don't we? All of us like a certain genre of music, right? Whether it's R&B, rap, hip-hop, pop, or anything else, we can't help but listen to it all day.
As for me, my personal hobby is to dance; I love dancing do music.
I love dancing to Asian-Pop, specifically K-pop (Korean pop).
The San Diego K-Pop Flashmob (SDKFM) is a group where people who love K-pop can come together and dance out in public after learning a mix for the season. The group always welcomes new members; after all, the more who love K-pop, the more we'll be able to spread the love of Korean pop culture in a fun manner.
I joined the group a week before college started, invited by a friend at a dance meet up. Just days before my first day attendance at the practice session, I was already thinking about wanting to join a flashmob thanks to this video:
My wish came true just a week later-- I was overly ecstatic to become part of something fun! Ever since I joined, I practiced every Saturday with the rest of the group from 2-7 p.m. for a six minute mix.
On October 6th, our flashmob went public out at Balboa Park.
I was incredibly nervous right before! My heart was pounding and I was really worried that I might forgot the dances, even though I practiced everyday. I just get nervous too easily.
However, the moment I joined in the mob, I was at ease. What I thought was going to happen was the opposite; my mind was set to just dance and have fun, and the feeling of nervousness went away. I was having fun and just doing my part. Finally, our hard work has been paid off. However, this isn't the end: we still have more to do! At least for this season, we're planning to perform a few more times before we take a break.
Overall, I'm very proud to be part of this community, and I really do look forward to continue dancing alongside everyone. Fighting! SDKFM!
Everywhere I went, I would hear people talking about that topic, and I would hate it.
Whenever that specific topic came up, I would stay quiet, block out the conversation and just constantly think to myself, “Why... why... why...”
It killed me to hear people say what they’re going to major in and what they have planned for the future.
And then there’s me. Here I am, undecided, having no knowledge about my future anymore.
The video above is a TED talk from Thandie Newton, an actress who has been in various movies (such as The Pursuit of Happyness and Misson: Impossible II), talking about her experiences of embracing and her own identity.
She really got me thinking about myself. Newton had to accept herself for her to be accepted to society. As for me, I suppose it could be similar– accepting myself to be accepted by my family.
For most of my life I felt like I knew what I liked, knew who I was, knew who I wanted: a young girl eager to become a doctor or someone in the medical field, influenced to help my brother and find cures for mental disabilities such as autism.
All of that changed when I became more aware of what I was and was not interested, the people I hung around with, my own values, and various other things that started to shape who I am today. In middle school I still did not have a sense of “self,” probably because I didn’t have many friends and was mostly influenced by my family that kept me stable and on a single view of the world.
It was until I entered high school that I started to become more social, became more aware of other people’s views, and I had a new, different views on certain topics. I changed my thoughts on my major after realizing the science classes I was taking in high school weren’t right for me, and that took a huge toll on my identity. I felt that, with the loss of what I initially had intended as a child, I lost a huge part of my identity; I didn’t know who I was anymore (and I suppose still too).
There are just so many factors and new realizations that I didn’t know what to do with myself, nor could tell who I was anymore. The feeling of disappointment from my parents and my own confusion made me think that I couldn’t do much for myself and be like everyone else with their advanced classes.
I just felt so... humiliated.
Even after all of that, I somehow started becoming aware about myself during mid-senior year– at least a vague understanding of who I am. After constantly changing myself various times, taking new classes that seemed interesting to me, I started realizing my strengths a bit more and also gained some confidence after a while, and even my parents said they supported me no matter what major I choose.
This is why I’m here at college today. For so long, I wanted my family to accept me so I can accept myself. I still believe that’s a part, but it’s mostly my own decisions that shape my path and identity, and that no matter what, in the end I will finally understand who I really am.
It took me about two years to finally come to the conclusion that acceptance comes from within. To make your family proud is important, but is it worth it if you hate yourself? Does it matter what people think about you? It shouldn’t, because each of us shouldn’t be confined to other people’s views that much, or at all. We all need to try our best to be what we can, because there’s only one of us. Acceptance comes when you can accept yourself, and that’s what I think I’m starting to do.
All of a sudden, crashers surrounded the professor like vultures. Those anxious students were desperately trying to crash the class!
Practically half the class was up, anxiously waiting for the professor to speak. Their eyes were desperately paying attention, wanting to see what the professor would do. It was only a matter of time. They needed to know how the process would end.
The professor, however, was trying to do his best in helping the anxious students, but also balance time for his students, who were already registered in the class.
Being the other half of the class that was sitting down, I felt very lucky and relieved. I actually managed to register for the class before school started, unlike those crashers. I realized that there was a huge difference in registration and class addition between high school and college.
High school was easy. We didn't have to do anything but choose a class since a schedule will be made for us, and only switch/drop out of classes that didn't fit. There are no issues with registration. Nothing hectic.
As for college, I already knew that one had to do things on his or her own. But that first day made me realize that if I do not register on time or early, I would have to be aggressive to crash a class.
Honestly, I always get scared if I managed to do things on time because I really do not want to go through all that trouble. Registration is an important process one has to go though the first day it’s announced! Sadly, a lot of us tend to procrastinate and end up having to try to crash classes in the end. And sometimes it’s painful to end up not being able to take a classes you need. I suppose it’s especially important for returning students, since they have to register after the fresh college students.
After witnessing that incident, I hope I do not experience anything hectic like that. I will plan out and register the day registration is open. It's better take the initiative and register quickly!
It's that time of year again when the freshman starts school. Year after year, either meeting new people in a new class and a new teacher, or just being new altogether, is a pretty intimidating process to go through. Unless, of course, you're totally up for it and just glad to talk to people.
For me, and probably some other people... that's a different story.
It’s still difficult for me to talk to people. Heh, but I'm getting better, maybe even better than how I did in high school.
In high school, I've had trouble meeting new people. I'm quiet, reserved, doing my own work and not socializing. I like meeting new people; it's just that I don’t want to introduce myself to others. I am, sadly, the one to wait. It might have worked in prior years, but that doesn't mean that is going to work forever. I made a note to myself that this year I was going to try harder to be more social and talk during the first encounter. A new school, a new phase, a new Jackie.
What helped greatly with my first week were my English and Personal Development classes– also known as the Bayan (means "community" in Filipino) Learning Community. These classes are actually forcing all of us Bayan Scholars to communicate with one another. During the first few days of school we moved around a lot to get to know a few people at first. I actually like this idea because it helped me so much with meeting a few people. I only wish I was given this experience earlier on in high school; it wouldn't have been such a problem if that was the case.
In the past, I was told by my friends that they wouldn't approach me because of my "mad/serious face" I carried, which is my natural expression...? How am I supposed to know how I look when I walk? I'm pretty sure nobody does unless they have a mirror in front of them.
I wanted to change, and I think this learning community helped me. Already in my first few weeks of school I talked to many people, even the first week alone I made a few friends! To those out there who're probably thinking, that's nothing, I've met way more people than that!, well that's just you. It's hard for some of us to make two on the first three days of school, let alone one. In fact, it took me two weeks of school to actually have a single friend in the past; I was that quiet back then.
As of now, I'm loving college-- I'm actually liking school for once! Crazy, isn't it? But it's because I'm not alone anymore. I've made friends already within the Bayan Community, and that’s more than enough for me. I am so glad the professors gave us various opportunities to talk with our classmates and get to know them.
It shouldn't just be this learning community, though. Everyone needs to try and actually talk to other classmate. It is a challenge, it will always be for many people. You think you're out of place and you feel that nobody will like you. That's never true, because if we just try to talk with someone and be open, I guarantee that school will be at least a little bit better, and even fun. All we got to do is make an effort and try.
